Secrets and Lies Read online

  Conor had a real zest for life which was very infectious. Even back then, at the age of twenty five he had had a burning desire to travel the world; travelling was his passion and he had instilled some of that passion in her. They'd been on many trips together; from backpacking around Europe to travelling across America in a beaten-up campervan which Conor had converted with the help of his father.

  Soon after that fateful night in the pub, Kerry and Conor began dating and within a few short months they became inseparable. Kerry had never slept with anyone before Conor. She'd wanted to wait until she'd met someone special and Conor was willing to wait until she was ready to take the next step in their relationship. She knew it was old-fashioned but she had made a rule in her own mind that she wouldn't sleep with him until he told her that he loved her. Obviously she couldn't tell him what she was thinking or it would be like putting the words into his head. She wanted him to tell her from his heart when the time was right for him and she knew he meant the words. She'd known she'd loved him since the first night they'd met in the pub, but she hadn't wanted to tell him until he said it first.

  Maura thought she was being ridiculous. “You should just tell him how you feel,” she'd said. “One of you has to say it first, why can't it be you? It's the twenty-first century after all; women are allowed to speak their minds and make the first move in a relationship.”

  “I want to wait for him,” Kerry insisted. “I don't care if I'm being old-fashioned.”

  Conor and Kerry spent every moment of their free time together when they weren't at work or college. Conor was studying Business Management and Tourism at University College Cork and Kerry had gotten her first “proper” job as a junior librarian at Cork City library. She was thrilled to be immersed in books every day. It was her ultimate dream to write and illustrate children's books, which she pursued in the evening after her day job, on the rare occasion when she wasn't seeing Conor.

  Kerry was sharing a flat with her sister in the city centre and Conor was living in student accommodation until he finished his Master’s degree. They certainly didn't get much time alone together and it seemed as if they were constantly surrounded by people wherever they went.

  They went for long walks in the park and spent hours in the cafes which were everywhere in the city. Conor told her all about himself. He was from “the country” and had grown up on a large farm in Killaloe, County Clare. He was the youngest of three boys; Tony was a teacher, living in Dublin and Shane had emigrated to Australia a few years previously, where he'd settled down and married a wonderful Australian woman. He told her how he missed them both as they didn't come home much anymore, too wrapped up in their own lives.

  His parents had lived in the same house since they'd been married almost thirty years ago. His father was an only child and the sprawling, two hundred acre farm had been left to him when his parents died. It was back-breaking on the farm at times and they'd all been expected to do their fair share. It had meant a lot of early mornings; bringing the cows in for milking and late nights, especially during the haying season, but Conor loved every minute. It wasn't all hardship; Conor regaled her with hilarious stories about the adventures he and his brothers would have pretending they were spies chasing each other all over the farm.

  Kerry was absolutely riveted by his stories. She'd spent her entire life living in the city suburbs and had never even seen a cow in real life! Conor's life seemed fascinating to her. He talked a lot about his brothers but shared very little about his parents. He rarely went home to visit them anymore, and when he did go he was back in the city again after a few short days. Kerry didn't understand why he was so distant from them. She longed to ask him about his parents but something told her not to ask. Conor was very animated about most things in his life but he would close down when the subject of his parents was brought up. His face would become clouded and guarded. Kerry didn't like to pry and hoped that he would tell her more in his own time.

  He didn't ask her much about her own family, which she appreciated. She'd never particularly liked talking about herself as she hated being the centre of attention. He knew all about her beloved sister, Maura, of course and how their parents had died in a car crash when they were babies, but she preferred to listen to him talking and all the plans he had for their future together.

  There was certainly no shortage of things to talk about in those early, heady days of their romance. They discussed what music they liked and their favourite films. She told him all about her most treasured books and he talked for hours about where he wanted to travel.

  Kerry shared almost everything with her sister. It was wonderful to have Maura to confide in. Maura had already had three boyfriends and was a lot more experienced with men than Kerry. Maura had always been a bit of a free spirit. She fell in and out of love quickly and easily gave her heart away. Kerry, on the other hand, had always been a lot more cautious. She told her sister about Conor and his family and the hopes and plans they had for their future together.

  Maura had been intrigued. She'd never seen her sister so smitten by anyone.

  “You're in love with him,” she declared one evening.

  “Do you think so? I don't know. I think I love him, but how would I know for sure?” Kerry replied uncertainly, wishing in that moment for her sister's confidence and charm.

  Maura smiled kindly at her. “Trust me, you are in love with him and he is just as much in love with you. I've never seen you like this before. Has he told you that he loves you yet?”

  “Not yet, but I'm sure he will,” Kerry said cautiously.

  “Of course he loves you,” Maura pronounced, pushing her long blonde curly hair out of her eyes. “He seems to have it just as bad as you. It's the most romantic thing I've ever seen and I must admit I'm a little jealous. I've never had with any guy what you two have together. It's love at first sight.”

  Kerry couldn't help smiling at her sister's words. She could always depend on Maura to be honest, sometimes brutally honest.

  “Is it that obvious?” she grinned.

  “Totally and utterly,” Maura smiled. “So, tell me, have you slept with him yet?”

  “Maura!” Kerry exclaimed. “You can't ask me that!”

  “Guess what? I just did,” Maura teased. “Well, have you?”

  Kerry blushed a deep shade of crimson and muttered a quiet, “no.”

  Maura took pity on her sister's embarrassment and decided not to pursue her line of questioning any further, much to Kerry's immense relief.

  “When are you taking him home to meet auntie and uncle?” Maura asked, changing the subject.

  “Soon,” Kerry answered. “Auntie keeps asking me when she'll meet him. I just don't want to rush things.”

  “You've been going out together for months now,” Maura said. “You're practically joined at the hip and he's all you talk about these days. Don't you think it's only politeness to introduce him to Auntie and Uncle?”

  “I will, soon, very soon,” Kerry repeated.

  It was all arranged; Conor was finally going to meet Auntie and Uncle. Kerry was a nervous wreck as their imminent meeting approached. She desperately wanted everyone to like each other and was worried about Auntie not liking Conor and telling him exactly what she was thinking; a habit that she and Maura shared. Aisling Kerrigan was not known for her tact.

  “We're finally getting to see your mystery man,” Aunt Aisling declared as she took a tray of scones out of the oven and began to arrange them on her best china plate.

  “Yes, indeed you are,” Kerry said absent-mindedly. She peeped through the curtains expecting Conor at any minute.

  “Come away from that window, child,” her uncle ordered. “The neighbours will think we've developed a twitch.”

  Kerry reluctantly sat on the sofa and awaited Conor's arrival. He'd been unexpectedly needed on the farm that weekend, otherwise they would have arrived together.

  “”He's here!” Maura called as she ran downstairs to open
the door. She couldn't wait to meet him.

  Conor's battered Fiat Punto pulled into the drive and screeched to a halt outside their front door. He jumped out and held out his hand in greeting to Maura, who embraced him in a hug.

  “There's no need for such formalities,” she beamed at him. “Sure I feel like I know you already, Kerry's told me so much about you.”

  “All good I hope,” he beamed back at her.

  “That's for me to know,” she winked as Kerry brushed past her and greeted her boyfriend with a chaste kiss on the cheek.

  “I see you've met Maura.” Kerry held his hand and led him to the sitting room where her aunt and uncle were waiting impatiently.

  “It's lovely to meet you at last, Aisling,” Conor formally shook her hand and offered the big box of chocolates that he'd brought with him, which she accepted in delight.

  “Turkish Wonder,” she smiled. “It’s my favourite.”

  Kerry searched her aunt's face for signs that she was offended by Conor's familiarity in using her first name. Her aunt was a stickler for manners, but she seemed to be very pleased with Conor.

  Conor was full of chat about the farm and enthralled her aunt and uncle with his many stories. He said that her aunt's scones were the tastiest he'd ever eaten and she positively glowed with pleasure at the compliment and insisted that he take a box away with him when he left. He had a natural way with people that seemed to draw them out of their shells and want to be close to him. Kerry watched their interaction with great pride. There was no need for her earlier fretting; Conor charmed everyone he met.

  All too soon the visit was over. “I'll be off now,” Conor declared suddenly, draining the last of his tea and struggling to his feet.

  “Are you going so soon?” Aunt Aisling asked, looking genuinely dismayed.

  “I don't want to over-stay my welcome.”

  “It was great to meet you, son,” Uncle Sean held out his hand and warmly shook the younger man's hand.

  “A pleasure to meet you two, sir,” Conor said respectfully.

  “You have a fine strong handshake,” Uncle Sean decreed. He was of the firm belief that you could tell a man's character by the strength of his handshake.

  “Kerry promised to help me study for my exams in the morning,” Conor explained, glancing expectantly at a surprised Kerry.

  “Oh, yes, yes I did promise,” she stuttered.

  “That's handy,” Uncle Sean groaned. “It saves me a drive into the city to drop her home.”

  They all stood at the door and waved them off. Conor beeped the horn as he swung the car out of the drive and sped towards the city with Kerry by his side.

  “They loved you,” Kerry beamed. “I'm relieved that it went so well.”

  “Why wouldn't it have gone well? Sure they're lovely people.”

  “They're the best,” Kerry agreed, and she meant it.

  “Do you really need me to help you study?” she asked.

  “No that was just a ploy to get you to myself. I haven't seen you all weekend and I've missed you. It seems like a lifetime since we've had any alone time and besides, I have a surprise for you.”

  “I love surprises,” she giggled.

  He put her hand on her knee and gently squeezed it.

  She felt a tingle run along her thigh at his touch and she placed her hand on his for the rest of the drive into town.

  “Where are we going?” Kerry asked, full of curiosity when she noticed that they'd missed the familiar turn to Conor's student accommodation.

  “I've got my own place now,” Conor explained. “Mom and Dad came up for the weekend to help me move and get the flat sorted. I wanted it to be a surprise for you.”

  Kerry was completely taken aback. She certainly hadn't expected this. Finally, they'd be able to have some proper time alone.

  “Here we are, home sweet home,” Conor pulled up outside a sprawling old Victorian house that had been converted into self-contained apartments.

  Kerry stood in the overgrown garden and stared at the house.

  “It's full of character,” she declared, taking in the perfectly aligned granite steps that led up to the magnificent hall door, the large bay windows that still had their original woodwork and shutters and the ornate glass over the door.

  “Would madam like the grand tour?” Conor asked dramatically, offering her his arm.

  Kerry giggled as she linked her arm through his and they strolled up the steps together.

  He paused before opening the front door and bent to gently kiss her lips.

  “One day we will own this place. I want Ballycotton House to be our home,” he whispered, his eyes shining brightly. “I want to fill this house with love and laughter and lots of children. I love you.”

  “I love you too,” she replied. He'd finally told her he loved her and without any prompting from her. It was the happiest moment of her life. Conor Darcy loved her and wanted to make a home with her. A man who could have any woman and the only woman he wanted was her. She wanted to run around the garden and shout it to the world!

  “How will we ever afford a house like this?” Kerry asked, hating herself as soon as the question escaped her mouth. She didn't want to dampen his dreams but surely this was pure fantasy.

  “We'll find a way, I'm sure of it,” Conor was full of youthful determination.

  He held her hand and gave her the guided tour of the old, shabby house that was once magnificent.

  “We'll take our time returning the old girl to her former glory,” Conor said confidently.

  They walked through the hallway with its high ceiling and intricate mouldings and through the archway into the kitchen with its uneven tiled floor. There were several store rooms and pantries off the kitchen and a small door leading to what was once the vegetable garden but was now a tangled weave of weeds and grass. Kerry made a silent promise to herself that she would grow her own vegetables there one day.

  However, the sensible, practical part of Kerry knew that the house should come with a health warning. Anyone could see that it was in dire need of extensive renovation and structural remodelling. Surely only someone with real money would even dream of buying a house like it but Kerry couldn't help falling under the magic spell of Conor's enthusiasm. He was fully convinced that they would find the money to restore this beautiful house, she didn't know how they would do it but she believed in him.

  “Follow me,” Conor said. He ran his hand lovingly along the gentle curve of the bannister as they made their way up the sweeping staircase, some rotting floorboards creaking under their weight. They walked along the hall towards Conor's cramped bedsit apartment. There were five other apartments in the building, mostly rented by young professionals and students. The landlord, Jerome Fitzsimons, was a rather eccentric elderly gentleman who lived alone upstairs on the entire third floor. The house had been in his family for generations and he categorically refused to abandon it to live in a retirement home so he'd had the house converted into apartments to help pay for the upkeep of the place.

  “This is my new home, for now,” Conor opened the door and Kerry stepped inside. He'd already made the tiny place cosy in the few short days that he'd lived there. The walls were covered in posters and paintings of all the places that he planned on visiting one day. The apartment consisted of a large room which comprised kitchen, living room and bedroom. There was a tiny bathroom just off the kitchen which housed a very cramped bathroom, with just enough room for a shower, toilet and basin. The one redeeming feature was the large, floor-to-ceiling bay window that overlooked the garden and had spectacular views onto the cliffs and sea beyond. Kerry glanced out the window just as the light was shining on the water and she was suddenly overcome with emotion. It was like she was standing on the precipice of her old life and that she was just about to take a huge leap of faith into a new life that was waiting for her if she wanted it.

  Conor joined her at the window and wrapped his arms around her. “I love you,” he whispered
into her hair.

  “I love you too,” she turned to face him and reached up to kiss his handsome face.

  Later, as she lay beside Conor in his narrow bed, which was barely big enough for the two of them, she wondered if they would always be so in love. He'd made such gentle, tender, passionate love to her, taking his time, making sure she enjoyed herself too. She was vaguely and surprisingly aware that unlike her, this wasn't his first time. He'd never talked about previous girlfriends and she'd never thought to ask him. A peculiar melancholy crept into her heart and she turned to gaze at his peacefully sleeping face.

  “I'll never hurt you,” he said, suddenly opening his eyes as if he could read her mind.

  He kissed her mouth and urgently pulled her to himself again, quickly banishing all worry and thoughts from her mind.

  Everything felt so right and perfect between them that within a few short months Kerry moved in with him at Ballycotton House and so they started their life together. Sadly, their landlord passed away a year later but much to their amazement and delight he'd left the house in his will to Conor. He didn't have any living relatives and they'd gotten along well with him in the months that they'd known him. Conor was always happy to run little errands for him such as buying him tobacco and his daily newspaper and Kerry would cook him dinner and drop a freshly baked fruit cake into him from time to time. It became a tradition that he would have his Sunday dinner with them. It gave him great happiness to see two young people who were so genuinely in love and he basked in their many compliments about his house. Jerome entertained them with many stories about the joy and laughter that had once been part of the great place. He and his wife had not been blessed with children but they had had a wonderful life together. He'd been a very successful barrister and the house was always full of people coming and going. His wife had delighted in the place but the house had deteriorated rapidly when she died fifteen years previously. Kerry and Conor had been completely mesmerised by the photographs he'd shown them of Ballycotton House in its heyday and it filled them with renewed resolve to make it a happy home once again.